i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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