We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
