We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
