What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
