He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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