Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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