remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
