I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
