For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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