she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
