i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
