oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
