You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
