didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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