my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
