chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Randomize
