do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
