you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
