can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
