i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize