Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
