I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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