An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
