Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
