Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize