I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
