Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
