WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
