have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You can't just leave with hair like that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
