so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
