I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
