They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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