Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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