i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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