She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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