haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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