he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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