It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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