My underwear smells like fireworks.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
