Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
