i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
