we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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