Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
