sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
