So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
