we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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