Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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