I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
