My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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