I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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