I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
