i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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