My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
