U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
