First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
