I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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