when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
