I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
