I look better un-naked...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize