I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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