Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
